Waiting. Sounds tough in our busy world, right? Find out how and why it is important for your child’s language development.
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Hi, Chelsea here! I am a pediatric speech-language pathologist (fancy name for a speech therapist). I have been working with young children who are learning to talk since 2015. Anyone who knows me personally, would likely describe me as a “mover and shaker”, NOT a “waiter”. So, this topic is one I have had to practice myself, and I cannot wait to share it with you!
This post is aimed at teaching caregivers and therapists how to use intentional waiting for their child or client. Much of the content is taken directly from the soon to be published ebook. If you are wanting more information and real-life applications for this, and other strategies to help children learn language skills, watch for the ebook to launch!
What is Waiting
Just like it sounds, waiting is intentional pausing. It is a strategy used to promote language (and other) skills in children (or adults). When we take a break from doing or talking for/to our children, and we give them the opportunity to do so, the outcome is usually positive. The trade off for the positive outcome, however, is some extra time spent on the forefront, which is often the biggest challenge for parents.
When you pause, you allow your child the opportunity to process what you’ve said, but you’ve also built in a natural opportunity for them to respond. In other contexts, pausing helps both you and your child slow down.
It models being present in everyday situations and reduces the need for rushing. We live very rushed lives, but if we build these intentional moments into our days, the benefits are numerous. Additionally, waiting gives your child the opportunity to learn new skills for themselves rather than being passive in their learning (e.g. having someone do everything for them).
Below, I’ve listed one of the examples taken directly from the soon to be published ebook on how to use waiting for a younger child. If you want more information and examples, watch for the ebook!
How to Wait
Example for Young Children Learning Language
Activity: Blocks
Your child will likely prefer to knock down the tower long before they build the tower. This is normal and is called deconstructive play. It comes before constructive play, and I promise your child isn’t ruining the 5 story tower you worked so hard on just because!
Build the tower and wait for your child to knock it down. You could model “uh-oh”, “fall down”, or “boom” when they knock it down.
On the next round, put 1-2 blocks on and then wait. See if they try to communicate for you to add more. If not, say “more blocks” or “blocks on” and put the next one on.
On the next few rounds, before they knock it down, model “ready, set, go”. After 2-3 times of this, say “ready, set __” and then wait to see if they respond in any way for “go”. This may be them making eye contact with you, verbalizing a sound or saying an approximation of “go”.
Waiting for Older Children
For older children, you can use waiting in a variety of ways. Maybe you are wanting to increase self-awareness or self-reflection skills.
You may ask open ended questions (e.g. “how do you think ___) or provide wonderings (e.g. “I wonder why ___ happened) and then wait for an answer.
Maybe you have a teenager and you want more than 1 word answers to your questions or you want to know what’s going on in their lives. Take them on a car ride and don’t say a word. They won’t feel pressure to talk or answer your endless questions, but they will feel awkward with the unending silence and they will start to tell you things.
They may not necessarily tell you what you want them to, but it will at least open the door to a conversation that they started, not you. Follow their lead, answer their questions, and keep your own at bay. Wait for them to initiate topics and respond calmly and carefully to keep them talking more than you are talking.
When Not to Use Waiting
Almost as important as knowing when to do it is knowing when not to do it. I tell the parents I work with over and over – if your child has not yet done said target skill, they need teaching not waiting.
For example, you have asked your (infant/toddler) child if she wants “milk or water” to drink. She has never said either of these words. Waiting on her to say one of them is not going to be successful for anyone.
Now, if your child can point to things, you can still ask if she wants “milk or water” and wait for her to point to the one she wants. From there, you can say “milk” again to allow her to hear the name of her choice and maybe give her the opportunity to try and say it, but that is not the goal of this current interaction.
Therapeutic Interventions
If you’re a therapist or other professional reading this, some ‘therapy terms’ that focus on waiting include:
- Observe Wait Listen (OWL)
- Communicative Temptations (AKA sabotage)
Observe Wait Listen
I have talked about this strategy a few times on the blog already. Check out our Valentine’s Day Themed Activities for implementation of it into specific therapy activities.
OWL is exactly what it says – observe the child and what they’re interested in; wait before you say or do anything; listen to them and respond accordingly. This allows them to initiate and lead the interaction.
Some of my favorite toys or activities to implement this strategy:
- Pretend Play:
- Little People Farm: https://amzn.to/3ZjHwyr
- Cutting Food: https://amzn.to/4qCaINu
- Garden: https://amzn.to/4b3MI0J
- Sensory Bins. Check out the post on Valentine’s Day Themed Activities for some ideas on setting these up.
Communicative Temptations
This is probably one of my favorite therapy strategies to use. Watch for our post on play in the coming weeks for more on this.
Communicative Temptations are ways we can set up a situation to try and encourage or tempt a child to initiate and communicate with us.
I have a handout given to me by a professor during my time in graduate school, sometime between 2013-2015, that I have never gotten rid of. It was created by Barry Prizant, speech-language pathologist, author, and autism spectrum disorder specialist. The handout was created a long time ago, but it is timeless. It includes a big list of Communicative Temptations. They include things like giving a child an unopened container of bubbles or eating a preferred food in front of a child. Parents often think I’m being mean at first, but the items on this list are very tempting to children and are highly motivating to get them to communicate!
Some of my favorite toys or activities to implement this strategy:
- Container toys:
- Shape Sorter: https://amzn.to/49Ez6Xm
- I also just keep many different toys in clear containers or bags and wait
- Nesting Toys:
- Stacking Boxes + Animals https://amzn.to/4sOASxQ
- Wind Up Toys
- Usbourne Busy Books: https://amzn.to/3NuczoL
Summary
In summary, we want to slow down and wait for our children. Allow them the opportunity to try things throughout the day and stay quiet, at times, to intentionally set up a situation that allows them to initiate and talk to us! Try to minimize questions and doing or talking for them. Try to implement at least 1 of the strategies detailed above into your day and see how it goes!
References:
Hanen Early Language Program (2022). It’s OWL About Having Fun: Promoting Your Child’s Language Through Fun Interactions.
Language Acquisition ebook. Three Roads Therapy LLC. Publication Pending.
Wetherby & Prizant (1989). Communicative Temptations. Retrieved from: https://nona-cdc.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Communicative-Temptations.pdf
Blog Image: These images are not original images from Three Roads Therapy LLC. Obtained from Canva. Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels
Pinterest Images: These images are not original images from Three Roads Therapy LLC. Obtained from Canva. Kampus Production from Pexels; Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels.
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