As a parent, have you ever questioned why your child needs things repeated often, loses their homework constantly, or has difficulty keeping their room clean? Are these things normal for their age? Maybe it is normal for their age, OR maybe it is a sign of executive functioning challenges.
Hi, I am Chelsea. I have been a pediatric speech-language pathologist since 2015. I love executive functioning and how it affects children’s everyday life! In the post, Executive Functioning Explained, I described what EF is. Here, I will detail how you can help your child develop strong executive functioning skills in everyday life situations!
Executive Functioning in Real Life
Here are a few common scenarios we often hear from parents that make us question executive functioning challenges.
Mom & 8 year old:
Mom: “Take out the trash.”
8 Year Old (playing video game): “OK.” …. Doesn’t take it out.
30 minutes later… Mom: “You haven’t taken the trash out.”
8 Year Old: “I am going to.”
Mom: “You need to right now.”
8 Year Old: “I will.”
30 minutes later… Mom: takes the trash out herself. OR yells at 8 year old to turn off his video game and take the trash out this instant or she is going to take his game away!!
Executive Functions that are lacking in this scenario
- Inhibition: child does not want to stop playing the video game
- Initiation: child does not take the first step to completing the requested task
- Prioritization: child cannot prioritize the skill that is most important at this time
- Time Management: child cannot shift between tasks and complete each in a timely manner
Teacher & middle school student:
Teacher: “I do not have your homework assignment for today.”
Child: “I took it home, but I must not have brought it back to turn in.”
Teacher: “I cannot give you credit for it, if you do not turn it in. If you bring it back tomorrow, I can give you half credit.”
Executive Functions that are lacking in this scenario
- Organization: there has to be some sort of system that a child knows how to use to keep their school work (and other tasks) organized. This is often a planner, where the child can write their homework and other specific tasks.
- Planning: the child has to plan the steps necessary to take the homework home, complete it, and put it in their bag to return to school.
- Sustained Attention: remaining on-task to complete the homework and return it to school, without forgetting or getting distracted. If they do get distracted, recognizing this and returning to the task to ensure completion is necessary (e.g. metacognition).
- Task Completion: implementing the steps set out in the planning phase, remaining focused with sustained attention, and completing the task is all necessary to return it to school.
- Metacognition: the ability to think about what they need to take to school with them, consult their planner (or other organization system) and double check that they have what they need.
2 Preschool students:
Preschooler 1: “You can’t have it, it is mine!”
Preschooler 2: hits preschooler 1 and takes the toy
Preschooler 1: screams for several minutes and demands the toy back
Executive functions lacking in this scenario
- Inhibition: preschooler 2 does not stop themself from taking the desired toy. Nor does preschooler 2 stop themself from hitting as a form of communication.
- Emotional Regulation: neither preschooler knows how to communicate their desires/emotions effectively. Preschooler 1 struggles to calm down after getting upset.
- Metacognition: preschooler 2 lacks the ability to think about the consequences of taking the toy and hitting the other child.
How do Children Develop Executive Functioning
A lot of what it takes to create a supportive environment for executive functioning to develop well in children has been touched on in many of our blog series. I will tie it all together here, in summary, but feel free to go back to each individual blog post/series for more detail on each specific topic.
We want kids playing as much as possible in the early years. So, this means providing open-ended toys that allow for natural opportunities to explore basic principles of the world. For instance, gravity, cause and effect, and object permanence can all be learned through a basic ball slide …
Ball goes in the top (it disappears for a second then reappears- object permanence), ball moves downward (gravity), and it comes out from a different place than it started (cause and effect).
As they develop the skill of playing, they learn to problem-solve and maintain their attention to specific toys; shift between different activities, return to previous ones, and connect longer strings of play; build emotional resilience after the tower falls down or the car does not stay on the track; and categorize and sort things that are alike and different, just to name a few!
Understanding that children communicate with behavior – meaning they often lack strong emotional vocabularies early on, and therefore we see meltdowns, aggression, and other inappropriate actions toward themselves or others in order to express themselves. When we are curious about why they have this behavior, we can understand its purpose, and then we can help them learn the skills they lack to repair the breakdown and make a better choice next time (or the 100th time after that).
One of the biggest things we advocate for in the childhood years is reducing screen time. The more time children spend on screens, the less time they have to play. Play wires the brain to learn. Overuse of screens can contribute to inattention, sensory and emotional regulation challenges, and much more.
Building independence through intentional waiting. This goes way beyond the way that I describe intentional waiting as a language development tool, but you can implement the steps described in that post for a variety of tasks.
Learning to wait on your child, in this busy world, is one of the most important things you can do to raise an independent child with strong executive functioning skills.
When you wait, you let them know that they have time to try – tying their shoes, packing a bag, climbing down the stairs. The more times they try, the better they will get; the better they get, the more independent they become; the more independent they become, the more they will have the confidence to try other, more challenging things.
When you wait, you let them make choices on their own. They learn the steps involved in decision making – organizing, planning, initiation, sustained attention, and inhibition. Making choices gives them some power and control, which often decreases negative behaviors. It also allows for some natural consequences … IF you don’t swoop in and save them …
Did they wear the wrong shoes for the park? Next time they may think about and plan to wear different shoes.
Did they lose a turn in a game because they were distracted? Next time they may sustain their attention to the game better.
Did they miss the bus because they were not getting dressed on time? Next time they may initiate getting dressed after you reminded them once or manage their time better.
There are a lot of you reading this thinking, “I would never let my child …” or “Ain’t nobody got time for that”. And, I hear you.
I never said this insight was going to be easy or convenient. Here at TRT we kind of encourage the path of most resistance … not because resistance is fun, but because we know that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” – Benjamin Franklin.
I want you to think about something you really enjoy, maybe a hobby or activity you like. Think about when you first learned that hobby or activity – were you good at it? Probably not.
How did you get better? You practiced.
And what can you point to as one of the biggest moments? A time you failed, tried again, and got it. There is nothing better than the feeling of success after failure.
If we never let our children fail they will never know that feeling. They will never have the chance to strengthen that muscle. They will likely have trouble developing the skills I am describing here and they will likely struggle to be resilient in the face of challenge.
Our world has come to a place where we do not let children fail. Because we don’t have time for their failures. We don’t want to look bad on social media. We don’t want to look bad to their teachers, coaches, or other parents.
But, what we are creating is a world of children who lack strong executive functioning skills … that is, children who struggle with initiating and completing tasks without being told what and how to do them.
Children who are “lost in their own world” – they have difficulty understanding what is happening around them – the order of events and how they relate to each other – and they lack active participation.
Children who struggle when given freedom because they have not had much opportunity to make choices and learn from the consequences.
Children whose lives are overscheduled with activities and move between them – being told where to go and what to do – every minute of the day.
One of my favorite analogies on failure comes from a wise mother … Let them fail when they are little. Their failures are little (e.g. wrong shoes, forgotten water bottle). They will learn from these experiences and learn to make more thoughtful decisions. As they get bigger, the failures get bigger, and the farther they will fall when they fail.
I have outlined a lot of information for you in the summary above, but now let’s turn our focus to implementing all of it, so that you can have actionable steps to use right away!
Start where you are right now
I want you to know that even though I advocate for this all to start right away, in the early years, it is never too late to start!!
No matter your child’s age, you can take something away from this post and put it into action. Now, if your children are older, you may meet a little more resistance or challenges, but with some persistence and problem solving, it may still help.
Observe Your Child
If you do not already know some of the executive functioning areas that your child struggles with, start by observing. Give them some simple tasks and see how they do. If you do already know some of the areas they struggle with, you can skip over this section.
Some examples:
Tell them to get their shoes and coat on so they can go outside – do they do it right away, do they get distracted, do they ask for help?
Ask them to pack a bag for a day at the park and library – do you have to remind them, can they get logical items for each place, do they double check it before leaving?
Ask them to describe what they did at school – do they give you multiple details, well formed sentences, and a basic order of events?
Watch them check their planner and complete a homework task – can they cross-reference between multiple materials, how long does it take them to get started, do they complete the task in 1 sitting?
Identify where to start
Once you have a list of the areas you notice your child struggling with, pick a few that you want to address. The good news is that many of the skills overlap and you can likely target 2-3 within one context. It might work best to pick them that way – planning, organization, and task initiation work well together; as do cognitive flexibility and metacognition; and prioritization, sustained attention, and task completion.
Everyday Implementation Activities
I have provided a list of some common activities that are present in most children’s life daily or weekly. Within each task, I provide a brief description of how to set up a supportive environment within that task that strengthens your child’s skills and encourages them to be an active participant.
Additionally, I provide a “therapist’s tip” that includes some additional ways to support your child if the initial scenario doesn’t cut it.
Task: Morning Routine
Start by developing a simple, but consistent morning routine. This may look different during different seasons, but should include the same general processes. When you know the routine will change, communicate this with your child.
As your child is getting used to the routine, provide some direct cueing and/or assistance, where you walk them through what to do. Then, start to give them some space. Maybe you need to switch laundry after they brush their teeth, to allow them the space to try the next step without you hovering.
Once they are independent, do random “check ins” to make sure they aren’t missing any steps. These can be simple pop-ins while they are doing 1 step, observing if they seem to be forgetting something, or even having a discussion with them.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Visual Support: one of my favorite ways to support children who struggle during daily routines is through visuals. They are expected to do essentially the same thing each day, why not have pictures that are the same each day that they can follow along with to help keep them on-task. Even better, have them help create the pictures to strengthen their understanding of the picture system and the routine.
Task: Washing the Dishes
In the early years, let your child observe you doing the dishes. Grab a chair or helper stool and let them play in the water next to you. Ask them to rinse some non-breakable things. Give them all of the items from a specific drawer or cupboard they can put away.
Have them organize the silverware. Explain the purpose of each and its slot in the holder. Then, let them do it by themselves, while you wash the dishes. Try not to focus on them getting it right, just let them be with you and feel ownership of the task.
Let them practice washing dishes by giving them a wash cloth and some non-breakable items in their own sink. Show them where to wash and how. Teach them how to rinse and check to make sure things are cleaned and rinsed well before placing them into the strainer. Teach them how to stack the dishes in the organizer and allow them to try.
Once they understand how to do the dishes, provide direct instructions on the days in which they are expected to do them. This may be written somewhere as a reminder, but make sure they know where it is written and how/when to reference this.
Initially, you can remind them who does the dishes on which day, but after a few days/weeks of this, you can ask them whose turn it is, and then even fade to no direction and leave them to initiate the task themselves.
If they don’t, try not to jump in right away. Again, we want them to learn to initiate and not always rely on you to tell them.
Let them experience a natural consequence – they want to go outside and play. You say something like “yes, as long as your chores are done” or “I wonder if we missed anything while we were cleaning up dinner”. Phrases like these will allow them to stop and reflect. Hopefully, they catch their own mistake. If not, direct them to check and stick to your rule that they cannot go outside until their work is done.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Chore Chart: It may be helpful to assign specific chores to specific children and/or specific days of the week. Have a spot where you write this that they can reference. Teach them how to reference the chart so they are not just getting the job done, but also learning how to plan, organize, and use metacognition skills.
Task: Packing
Going on vacation? This is a great way to implement a lot of EF skills – planning, organization, task initiation, inhibition, metacognition, working memory, and more! If you don’t have a vacation coming up, packing to just leave the house or even packing their bag for an extracurricular activity works too!
Either way – tell your child where you are going and ask them “I wonder what we need to take with us”. Wait and let them try to make a list or gather a few items. As they do, help them categorize the items (e.g. snack/lunch, clothes/shoes, activity-specific items).
After they have categorized them, can they identify any categories they may be missing, or specific items within a category that may be missing? You can say things like, “we have our outfits picked out, but I wonder what the weather will be like…” maybe they will ask about the weather, or recognize they need a jacket and a hat. Or, you can say, “we packed our binoculars, boots, and a hat, but we might get hungry while we are there…” and see if they can identify that they need to pack a lunch.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Categorized List (can use visuals for children who do not read yet):
Make a list of categories of items they may need, and then list out the specific items within each category. Teach them how to make piles and check off the items from their list as they go.
Task: Organizing a Party
I often use this task in therapy around a child’s birthday. Have them help you plan a real party! And even if they can’t help plan an actual party, have them plan a small get together with some friends/family.
Have them brainstorm first, which is where they provide all their thoughts, without you (or them) critiquing the ideas.
Have them pick a date and time – pointing out how to use a calendar and/or specific aspects of the party that would make it possible/not possible to have on their suggested time frames. As you review their brainstorm list, discuss which items can stay and which ones have to be removed, but don’t just list them, try and describe why they can/cannot be completed. If your child has multiple exciting activities, have them compare and contrast them or make a pros and cons list to decide which they really want to do.
Once they have the details worked out, separate the tasks between you and them and have check in times when you share progress and discuss challenges. Don’t jump to solving their challenges, but guide them to teach problem solving skills.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Visuals or categorized lists would both work here (described in scenarios above). Another strategy that might help is a brainstorm map – this is where they list all of their initial thoughts (without critiquing). Then, we map/group all of them according to similarity. After they are grouped together, we can discuss the logistics of each and form a list of actual tasks/supplies from that.
Task: Going to the Store
Another one of my favorite therapy activities!!! I have children (of all ages) create grocery lists and we play store, because there are so many valuable lessons. And listen, if you aren’t taking your children to the store with you, at least sometimes, I would really encourage you to start. I get it – I love the convenience of grocery pickup, but I also remind myself that it is just another convenience that is robbing us (and our children) of necessary skills.
When they are little, maybe ask them to give 1-2 meals or snacks they want to have. Help them identify what items are needed to make those meals/snacks and then go to the fridge/pantry and check if you have enough to make them. If not, put the needed items on the list.
As they get a little older, start to separate the items on the list into categories (e.g. produce, meat, dairy).
And older yet, talk about prices, budgets, and more. This is a great time to address prioritization. Help them identify their spending amount and how to allocate the funds based on what is a needed item and what is a wanted item. This also targets inhibition – we don’t have to get everything we want.
Take the list to the store – for younger kids, model the category names, help them select the right quantity of what you are getting, and move through the store in order. For older kids, help them reference their list and identify where to find the items. Have them select items based on quality. Encourage them to communicate with others in the store – basic manners if they are in someone’s way, asking for help locating an item, and going to a real person to check out rather than self check out.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
The use of a categorized list and/or visuals would be appropriate to support your child. Both were described in above scenarios and could be implemented here as well.
Another big struggle for kids at the store is the social interactions. If you notice this to be challenging, take a few minutes before you go into the store to discuss how we socially interact.
Give them 3 specific phrases they could use:
- greeting “good morning, how are you today?”
- request “excuse me, can you help me find __”
- termination “thank you, have a good day”
They might seem a little awkward using them at first, but teaching them a script will help them have the opportunity to practice it without the direct cueing in the moment, where mom says “tell them hi” or “tell them bye”. Because (even though we are all guilty of the latter) it does not promote independence, rather the opposite – cue dependence.
Task: Drafting an Email
This skill is very important in our technical world. We use it for communicating a large variety of things, and it has its own set of socially appropriate rules.
Lead your child to know who they need to contact – use statements like “I wonder if __ would know the answer to that”.
Help them locate the email address – use statements like “They have a website … I wonder if their contact information is on it”.
If this is their first time, you may need to explicitly tell them/show them how to draft the email. If so, narrate the steps so that they can come back to these steps the next time. Include a greeting, body, ending, and further follow-up. Teach them how to add additional people to the email.
When the person replies, walk them through the steps of opening and responding to the email. Hold back this time (or the next time they need to draft one) to see if they can walk themselves through the steps you narrated the first time.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Scripting and categorized lists would work well here (described above). Additionally, verbal rehearsal would be another helpful strategy to teach. This is where they learn to narrate for themselves. I often use songs or rhymes to help it stick, but this can also be lists or other associations.
Break down the steps simply, have them say it as they do it, and then practice it to remember it.
Example:
“open email, blue”
“compose it, bottom blue”
“to … who”
“subject … a few words will do”
“hello, you”
“what I have to say is … do you”
“thank you”
“contact me through …”
“send you”
This is just a silly example, but having a quick rhyme and summary of the tasks will help them remember it.
Task: Ordering Food
This takes organizational skills – scanning the menu; planning – what they want; inhibition – not ordering every single thing that sounds good; time management – making a decision within a reasonable time frame; and initiation – speaking at the right time to place their order.
Early on, start by explaining what you are doing and why/how to do it. Let them pick what they want from the menu. Discuss why this may or may not be a good option … like if they only want applesauce but you know this won’t actually fill them up. As they get older, have them order their own food. See the script information below for practicing.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Scripting. Similarly to the script I described in the going to the store example, a script would be very appropriate when ordering food. Scripts help decrease the stress response during unfamiliar situations, which allows the brain to act more effectively and efficiently. Help your child know what to say to the waiter, the specific body language that may be appropriate (e.g. eye contact), and practice them ordering their food with you before even going to the restaurant.
Once they master ordering at the restaurant, have them call and order food for an even more challenging task!
Task: Cooking a Meal
Another very important skill that most people do at least once a day, if not more. It incorporates so many of the executive functioning skills as well as life skills and bonding time! Wins all around.
Start with helping them learn the basics of the kitchen – where is everything located (organization); how can they participate safely (inhibition, metacognition); and what categories of items are included (working memory).
As they become more comfortable, directly assign them a task, walking them through it while narrating what they are doing and why. Then, allow them to try that task another time. Wait. See if they can work through the steps you narrated for them. Do they get stuck Can they problem-solve? Do they ask for help?
With more skilled children, have them be in charge of a simple meal. Have them identify what they need to make it; determine the order in which things need to be cooked so they can plan, organize, prioritize, initiate, and manage their time; and reflect back on what went well and what could have been improved the next time. Try to allow them full independence but you can stay close by and provide feedback by way of wonderings, such as “I wonder if the noodles take longer than the burger”.
Still struggling? Take it a step further.
Visuals and lists would work well in the kitchen (described above). But I included one of my most favorite therapy strategies below!
Sabotage is a therapy term that sounds a little brutal, but I promise there is no real harm done! Essentially, you are holding back and allowing them the opportunity to try it, even though you know they might be struggling. Or, you intentionally set up the situation with something missing or wrong to see if they can problem-solve.
For example, if the recipe calls for 4 eggs, get out only 3. See if they recognize the problem and attempt to correct it.
Or, get out a whisk instead of a spatula. See what they do.
Final Notes
I understand that some of this seems so simple … and really it is meant to be that way! Children are perfectly capable of developing skills within real-life scenarios – without the need for fancy toys or programs. I teach parents all the time that the most teachable moments are the ones within your child’s daily life!!!
However, much of this sounds complicated because we have removed so many of these tasks from our daily lives to be replaced by modern conveniences. AND, when we are doing them, we just want to get them done, therefore we do not have the time to involve, let alone teach, our children.
So, I encourage you to slow down when and where you can (and I am just as busy as the next person, so I get that it is hard). Assess your priorities. Plan for opportunities to include your child in everyday activities. And reflect on the small changes you see happening.
Raising an independent child with strong executive functioning skills is not necessarily easy at first, but you will reap the reward 100 times over when they are able to do things independently.
If your child is not picking up on these skills within the supportive environment we have detailed here, make sure you discuss your concerns with their healthcare provider as they may have an underlying challenge that could require some professional help!
References:
Executive Functioning Success (2025). Retrieved from: https://executivefunctioningsuccess.com/12-executive-functions-of-the-brain/
Behavior is communication: Part 1 (2026). Three Roads Therapy.
Behavior is communication: Part 2 (2026). Three Roads Therapy.
Play: The most important childhood skill (2026) Three Roads Therapy.
Screentime (2026) Three Roads Therapy.
Waiting for successful language development (2026). Three Roads Therapy.
Cover and Pinterest images obtained from Canva: Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels; Gustavo Fring from Pexels; Tetiana Nekrasova from capturenow; Karola G from Pexels; Vlada Karpovich from Pexels; Vitaly Gariev from Pexels; Denisse Villar from Pexels; Nesto_regularcat from pixabay
Information Disclaimer
The content, images, materials, and information provided on this website is only intended to be general summary information to the public. It is not intended to take the place of either the written law or regulations. It should not be viewed as medical, financial, legal, or professional advice of any sort. We will do our best to confirm the accuracy of all information that appears on our website but cannot guarantee accuracy, reliability, or timeliness. All recommendations are made without guarantee or warranty. We make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the website or the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on the website for any purpose. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk.
We cannot predict and do not guarantee that you will attain a particular result from the information provided in or through this website, and you accept and understand that results differ for each individual. Each individual’s results depend on his or her unique background, traits, dedication, desire, motivation, resources, actions, and many other factors. You fully agree that there are no guarantees as to the specific outcome or results that you can expect from using the information you receive on or through this website.
Leave a Reply